Sadly cancer blog continues

So my little puddings. I know no-one is reading this any more - although maybe they will again now for a while - but it helps me to vent.

I failed notably to note it here, particularly, but yes, I had lung surgery last year to remove a small area that contained some metastases. Yes, they did cancel it because of a cold first off. Yes, it hurt. No, it wasn't appalling pain, I only cried once when I was trying on a new bra after about 2 months without wearing any. Yes it went on for a long time. Yes I worked bloody hard to get my health levels back. Yes I did get them back (although, I have never got back my full stamina and energy levels since my first illness; I think; but that is partly emotional/mental).

And, yes, I have got another round of metastasis. This time it is in lymph glands in the drainage area below the bit they cut out last time. And today I have been told that they intend to remove my whole right lung on the 7th March.

I am really devastated. I no longer believe I will be cured, i.e. cancer will be removed. I believe the little bugger is in there, it's gone walkabout and it Will Be Back. At which point, the only option (assuming it comes back in the remaining lung) will be chemo and basically life prolongation; but not cure.

I am pissed off.

I am suicidal by moment.

I don't see the point. Most of the time.

I havn't told my mum. Don't any of you dare do so either. She knows I'm going in for surgery, let that suffice.