The chemo is being unpleasant this time, trying to escape back out of all orifices. When I said I felt sick, one of the nurses brightly said 'Shall I get you some beans?'
Beans? Beans?? What is this, some new secret weapon against vomiting?
No no - all was revealed in an instant when she returned with a small pile of those pressed paper vomit dishes - which are indeed bean-shaped. The French rarely do nice things like that with their language, but occasionally they delight me.
Nilla - I can't post a comment on your blog at the moment for whatever reason, but - the bench is for sitting on. Obviously!
(There is a bench that has been placed on the roof of the station, in my parents' home town).
January 24, 2010
January 23, 2010
Choccccccciiieeeeees!
Thank you lovely Janeywoo and Roger, for the splendid chocolates - just to make everyone else slaver, a high class hand made English choc selection. I will be keeping them for the non-cardboard days - wouldn't want to waste them on my current pathetic taste buds! Lionel suggested I give them to the staff here, but noooo - they are a pressie to ME - I will buy the nurses etc. their own pressie, when I come for my last session - last zapping on 12th Feb, and last chemo starts 12th Feb, ends 14th. This session is going splendidly, it was due on tuesday but they moved it to Thursday then waited a day for my blood count to go up a bit, so actual chemo was today. I only feel slight nausea when I move, otherwise it is fine so far. I drank an HP drink and will eat a creme caramel tonight - my goo packs are on ultra minimum drip, one lasting 24 hours, so supplementing a bit and anyway, as soon as I have a day without radiotherapy, my throat improves, so I want to try to keep the eating/drinking habit as much as I can.
Oops. Fell asleep again. I am doing that all the time at the moment - fell asleep whilst brushing my teeth this morning! that has to be a record!
I've just remembered something that may be real, may have been a dream - it was a while ago (or was it recent but I dreamt it was a while ago?) - anyway - some writer or another was describing how he wrote, and I was stunned at how he created a completely clean environment - mentally, emotionally, I mean. He made what seemed to me to be a total sterile field around his mind, wiping out all aspects of his personal life, his personal thoughts, and then creating his writing canvas. I have no idea who it was, nor if it was real, since I see this as a picture, like a short extract from a documentary, I actually see his environment being wiped... I remember it horrified and fascinated me; I could certainly never do that. But at the same time, I can imagiine it being a very fruitful way to work, if you can - becoming totally immersed in the world and personalities you create, not having anything else get in the way.
Wish I could remember if it was real or not.
Oops. Fell asleep again. I am doing that all the time at the moment - fell asleep whilst brushing my teeth this morning! that has to be a record!
I've just remembered something that may be real, may have been a dream - it was a while ago (or was it recent but I dreamt it was a while ago?) - anyway - some writer or another was describing how he wrote, and I was stunned at how he created a completely clean environment - mentally, emotionally, I mean. He made what seemed to me to be a total sterile field around his mind, wiping out all aspects of his personal life, his personal thoughts, and then creating his writing canvas. I have no idea who it was, nor if it was real, since I see this as a picture, like a short extract from a documentary, I actually see his environment being wiped... I remember it horrified and fascinated me; I could certainly never do that. But at the same time, I can imagiine it being a very fruitful way to work, if you can - becoming totally immersed in the world and personalities you create, not having anything else get in the way.
Wish I could remember if it was real or not.
January 18, 2010
To descend gently into Morpheus' arms...
Dear Nils have answered your comment in the comments... :) and did I ever say thank you for the looooooverly handbag jewellery? it adorns my handbag, as it should!
So, having had a very bad weekend whimpering and crying, saw the doctor today and he said 'oh dear me yes you have a very bad mucosite here have this prescription for morphine patches, try one if it's not strong enough use two, and add this xylocaine to your mouthwash, it'll numb it'. Everyone was very surprised at my sudden nose dive, because they have all been really pleased at how upbeat and punchy I'd been till now; but nose dive it was. I'm relying on my hair growing back curly and an interesting colour.
At the moment I'm actually on paracetamol+ codeine mix, which I find makes my mind go very peculiar but the pain is much less, I no longer feel the need to burst into tears every 5 minutes, which is really nice. But since I'm likely to be totally out of it once I start the morphine, I thought I'd give you a quick update. Also chemo has been postponed till Thursday, bed problem (they had forgotten to put me in the schedule...); this probably messes up the experimental protocol I'm following but at least the drinks (placebo or not) are good in my present state, they sort of coat everything and make it easier to swallow. I officially gave up food on Friday, but seem to be gooing strong :)
The other thing I do at the moment is sleep.
So, having had a very bad weekend whimpering and crying, saw the doctor today and he said 'oh dear me yes you have a very bad mucosite here have this prescription for morphine patches, try one if it's not strong enough use two, and add this xylocaine to your mouthwash, it'll numb it'. Everyone was very surprised at my sudden nose dive, because they have all been really pleased at how upbeat and punchy I'd been till now; but nose dive it was. I'm relying on my hair growing back curly and an interesting colour.
At the moment I'm actually on paracetamol+ codeine mix, which I find makes my mind go very peculiar but the pain is much less, I no longer feel the need to burst into tears every 5 minutes, which is really nice. But since I'm likely to be totally out of it once I start the morphine, I thought I'd give you a quick update. Also chemo has been postponed till Thursday, bed problem (they had forgotten to put me in the schedule...); this probably messes up the experimental protocol I'm following but at least the drinks (placebo or not) are good in my present state, they sort of coat everything and make it easier to swallow. I officially gave up food on Friday, but seem to be gooing strong :)
The other thing I do at the moment is sleep.
January 16, 2010
What to say
So, my blogging has been interrupted recently. That's basically because there is really nothing to say - life is tedious, and telling you about it is tedious. My principle concern is to keep my weight good - which I am, still stable at 67.5kg or so. But today very down - retired to bed at 7 in tears, headache, throat ache, swallow ache, arm ache, so so knackered and basically crappy. Been going downhill since Thursday. The right side of my face is swelling up, around the eye and upper cheek - I'm assured I don't get any rays there, so it is some sort of a side-effect and I'm hoping not a bad one; because I'm also having trouble with my nose (getting blocked and bleeding) which is one of the symptoms I had when the cancer was growing (only I didn't know that at the time). Trying to be good and do all my mouthwashes, a mix of bicarb of soda, aspirin, and some red stuff I don't remember the name of. I am now appreciating them, they do help with the dry mouth and pain and to clear the throat (I gargle too). But spitting really hurts. I mean, hurts like so I make mewing noises to myself. My hair is coming out - although they have assured me that with this treatment you don't lose it 'much' - looks pretty much to me! I'm not eating at all now, relying totally on goo, which I think is not a good thing. I wish he was the type to make me tempting little plates of things - cold things, because the smell of cooking has become anathema to me - to help me eat; although my taste buds have almost gone, I can still taste a bit of sweetness, but savoury is just cardboard.
So yes, I'm feeling really down, and when I want to cry Lionel runs away (literally). I want my mummy.
So yes, I'm feeling really down, and when I want to cry Lionel runs away (literally). I want my mummy.
January 7, 2010
OK I'm safe and apologies to them :)
Actually, this is my equivalent in another part of the company. My manager just mailed me to smooth my ruffled feathers. In fact, it's great because, as I just pointed out to him, I can now use that advertised job as major fuel in my 'promote Sian and give her loads more money' campaign when I get back!
Three cheers for everything!
Three cheers for everything!
I'm bloody FURIOUS!
I found, first in the list of jobs proposed on an 'executive' job board (because we all like to have a look from time to time), what is actually a definition of the job I have been doing for the past x time, but defined at the level that I have been saying I should be at - and paid very considerably more than me, believe me. It's MY job! I MADE it! and I'd been battling and battling to get recognition - and was told I'm on the list for this year's rounds (that's March time) - but since this is advertised on a public job board, they are obviously not willing to wait; which I understand, of course, from their point of view, but I just think this means that when I go back, I'll be right back down the bottom of the pile again, and have to re-do all my work to 'prove myself'.
I took such a career dive to come here - and such a financial dive - and no, I'm no longer a spring chicken; frankly, getting some more money in so I can save is a priority for me, my pension prospects are also shot to hell; but work round here is fairly scarce; I don't believe I can thumb my nose at Dell. Certainly not while I'm off sick on full pay which let's face it IS fantastic. Even though I think my full pay should be some 20K higher than it actually is ;)
Anyway, mailed my manager (who is not communicative, maybe because he's feeling embarrassed about the realities of commercial life having to stomp all over my career prospects) - asked if I can be considered for the role and take it on when I come back because it's not that long now... (well we don't know, of course, but the estimation is Easter). Must say, that is a serious encouragement to me to get better soon!
Oh - on the plus side - I doubt very much if, had I still been there, my actual role would have been as clearly defined and recognised - and as well rewarded - on an internal promotion basis; so in fact, if I can swing it, it might even work in my favour... who knows...
I took such a career dive to come here - and such a financial dive - and no, I'm no longer a spring chicken; frankly, getting some more money in so I can save is a priority for me, my pension prospects are also shot to hell; but work round here is fairly scarce; I don't believe I can thumb my nose at Dell. Certainly not while I'm off sick on full pay which let's face it IS fantastic. Even though I think my full pay should be some 20K higher than it actually is ;)
Anyway, mailed my manager (who is not communicative, maybe because he's feeling embarrassed about the realities of commercial life having to stomp all over my career prospects) - asked if I can be considered for the role and take it on when I come back because it's not that long now... (well we don't know, of course, but the estimation is Easter). Must say, that is a serious encouragement to me to get better soon!
Oh - on the plus side - I doubt very much if, had I still been there, my actual role would have been as clearly defined and recognised - and as well rewarded - on an internal promotion basis; so in fact, if I can swing it, it might even work in my favour... who knows...
January 6, 2010
What a GOOD day!
Well, the morning was just the same as usual - lazy lol. But it was a beautiful sunny day, I felt all excited and positive because of the lovely sunshine, gave the bedroom a good airing (even though it was cooooold) and thought quite hard about actually doing some gentle pruning. But mostly I thought, great, it's Wednesday, Lionel will be home at lunch time and free for the afternoon, we'll go into town together in the lovely sunshine.
L did have the presence of mind when he got back and I said yay, let's go to town, to ask how we were going to fit my treatment in... bum. Had forgotten that detail - I'm so concentrated on nothing! So instead, L sorted out getting the domestic help going again (we should be up and running for the week after next) and we went out me driving, did the treatment (it doesn't take long to get zapped) and then into town, we were there for 4, and the first day of the SALES, yay!
I had a good sensible bash in what I believe is the Redoute outlet shop - 3 organic cotton long sleeved low necked t-shirts and 4 organic low necked cotton jumpers - cotton only is recommended against damaged skin; so these are perfect for daily wear protecting my wrist and not rubbing my neck (the graft place is healing only slowly and is quite sore); plus a cute little soft wool number in apricot, that will be nice in spring time. And once I'd picked all that lot up, Lionel insisted on paying for it - what a sweety. He loves buying me stuff :)
Then I found a coat, well, a lovely warm cuddly big baggy thing with a fake fur ruff round the hood, you know the sort of thing, it is comfy and really warm and a little bit stylish, and was only 25 Euros! So chuffed with that, I concentrated on looking for brown boots and found a pair in the last shop before we dropped (oh L bought himself some jimjams inbetween, and we went to La Comédie and had a hot choccy and generally toured a bit). The boots are actually exactly the same as a pair I bought last year but last year they were grey suede, this year brown leather - and just because they saw me coming, all the colours except brown were marked down to 84 Euros, but brown was 103. Damn - oh well - the coat balances it out! Anyway, I'm really pleased - the are the sort that goes a bit baggy on the leg, soft, and have a heel that looks nice but isn't too high, so still comfy and wearable. They are the sort of thing that just adds a bit of femininity to a very basic getup. Turns from frump to - well, reasonable lol.
Then this evening they had Slumdog Millionaire on telly - I was able to watch it in English, L put the French subtitles on for him - just loved those accents, and a favorite film that I had been wanting to see again, manages to turn poverty and misery into a joyous occasion. Followed by some Bollywood and a fascinating look at cinema in India - currently a documentary on Mollywood, Superman films being done by a small producer within villages, there is one cinema in Malegao (?), the area he works in, and he uses the local villagers in his films etc. but they still all pay their 20 rupees to go to see them - they are fantastic, he does his films in 3 months, his latest cost 100000 rupees, and he doesn't want to go and work with the big film companies, he has everything he needs there. And just now, there was a look at all the different types of cinema you can find - the cleverest was a box on wheels, with a manual project outside; the box had 26 viewing holes cut in it at different heights, which had little flaps that the owner controlled lifting. The inside of the box had the white projecter screen in it and the 26 holes accomodate the eyes of up to 26 people, generally children. The films they show cost 1 or 2 rupees a go, so the children can get a treat really cheap. The man turning the handle listens to the soundtrack to make sure he's going at the right speed. Oh, and lots of other fascinating stuff, so many people make their lives through film, but not at all the big industry that we know, there are so many people who love and live by their own home-run version of it... old hand-cranked films in bad condition... it doens't matter. It is magic.
L did have the presence of mind when he got back and I said yay, let's go to town, to ask how we were going to fit my treatment in... bum. Had forgotten that detail - I'm so concentrated on nothing! So instead, L sorted out getting the domestic help going again (we should be up and running for the week after next) and we went out me driving, did the treatment (it doesn't take long to get zapped) and then into town, we were there for 4, and the first day of the SALES, yay!
I had a good sensible bash in what I believe is the Redoute outlet shop - 3 organic cotton long sleeved low necked t-shirts and 4 organic low necked cotton jumpers - cotton only is recommended against damaged skin; so these are perfect for daily wear protecting my wrist and not rubbing my neck (the graft place is healing only slowly and is quite sore); plus a cute little soft wool number in apricot, that will be nice in spring time. And once I'd picked all that lot up, Lionel insisted on paying for it - what a sweety. He loves buying me stuff :)
Then I found a coat, well, a lovely warm cuddly big baggy thing with a fake fur ruff round the hood, you know the sort of thing, it is comfy and really warm and a little bit stylish, and was only 25 Euros! So chuffed with that, I concentrated on looking for brown boots and found a pair in the last shop before we dropped (oh L bought himself some jimjams inbetween, and we went to La Comédie and had a hot choccy and generally toured a bit). The boots are actually exactly the same as a pair I bought last year but last year they were grey suede, this year brown leather - and just because they saw me coming, all the colours except brown were marked down to 84 Euros, but brown was 103. Damn - oh well - the coat balances it out! Anyway, I'm really pleased - the are the sort that goes a bit baggy on the leg, soft, and have a heel that looks nice but isn't too high, so still comfy and wearable. They are the sort of thing that just adds a bit of femininity to a very basic getup. Turns from frump to - well, reasonable lol.
Then this evening they had Slumdog Millionaire on telly - I was able to watch it in English, L put the French subtitles on for him - just loved those accents, and a favorite film that I had been wanting to see again, manages to turn poverty and misery into a joyous occasion. Followed by some Bollywood and a fascinating look at cinema in India - currently a documentary on Mollywood, Superman films being done by a small producer within villages, there is one cinema in Malegao (?), the area he works in, and he uses the local villagers in his films etc. but they still all pay their 20 rupees to go to see them - they are fantastic, he does his films in 3 months, his latest cost 100000 rupees, and he doesn't want to go and work with the big film companies, he has everything he needs there. And just now, there was a look at all the different types of cinema you can find - the cleverest was a box on wheels, with a manual project outside; the box had 26 viewing holes cut in it at different heights, which had little flaps that the owner controlled lifting. The inside of the box had the white projecter screen in it and the 26 holes accomodate the eyes of up to 26 people, generally children. The films they show cost 1 or 2 rupees a go, so the children can get a treat really cheap. The man turning the handle listens to the soundtrack to make sure he's going at the right speed. Oh, and lots of other fascinating stuff, so many people make their lives through film, but not at all the big industry that we know, there are so many people who love and live by their own home-run version of it... old hand-cranked films in bad condition... it doens't matter. It is magic.
January 5, 2010
An incident from the past
This is another incident I was telling frankee about when I was in hospital, and I don't believe I put it in here at all - again, it's in chat format, and I'm NOT going through the hell of reformatting it all, so it is slightly harder to read I expect. But it was so funny!
moptop (17/11/2009 20:49:43): so saw my folks and my brother and Pat (his wife) and a surprise visit from David (L's idiot son) who is quite fond of me realy, and L of course
moptop (17/11/2009 20:49:47): so busy day
frankee F (17/11/2009 20:50:08): awwwww thats good! im glad you're getting those visits. that will help alot
moptop (17/11/2009 20:50:44): I can pick BOTH my nostrils now! Yay for no tube!
frankee F (17/11/2009 20:50:50): LOL
frankee F (17/11/2009 20:50:53): YAY!
frankee F (17/11/2009 20:50:57): youre so funny!
moptop (17/11/2009 20:51:16): LOL - I am honest, most people find that very comic
moptop (17/11/2009 20:51:35): did I tell you about the mouth x ray?
frankee F (17/11/2009 20:51:43): no you didnt
moptop (17/11/2009 20:52:15): ReallY? I'm surprised. You know I was on those codeine things and spending a fair amount of time in an alternate reality
moptop (17/11/2009 20:52:59): I was asleep in bed (this was last week I guess) at 2 - afternoon nap - when knock on door, 'hi, you ready for your mouth x-rays?
moptop (17/11/2009 20:53:28): Well, no, what mouth x-rays? - don't you worry, I take you there and you'll be back in no time - okies
moptop (17/11/2009 20:54:00): So befuddled he got me into my dressing gown and slippers, onto a wheelchair and off we toddled.
moptop (17/11/2009 20:54:27): Down the lift, out of the hospital round the back and into a mini ambulance van thing
moptop (17/11/2009 20:54:37): Oooh I thought, I wonder where we're going
frankee F (17/11/2009 20:54:57): oh god lol
moptop (17/11/2009 20:55:21): So off we went, I had to hold onto my head quite hard because he went over the bumbs at a lell of a lick and it hurt, but it was fun being out
moptop (17/11/2009 20:55:32): looook peopllllleeeee, traffficcccc
frankee F (17/11/2009 20:55:56): LOL
frankee F (17/11/2009 20:55:58): oh god
frankee F (17/11/2009 20:56:15): don they have xrays at the hospital? why do you have to go somewhere else?
moptop (17/11/2009 20:56:25): so then we got to somewhere, he wheeled me out, took me shomwhere, put me in a chair in a tiny waiting room and said 'don't move, until someone calls your name'
moptop (17/11/2009 20:56:36): Ok I said, and went to sleep
moptop (17/11/2009 20:56:49): I guess they don't have round-the-mouth-machines
moptop (17/11/2009 20:57:33): Someone called my name and I shuffled in approximately the right direction trying to explain I wasn't always like this, it was the drugs... maybe didn't help
frankee F (17/11/2009 20:57:55): *giggling*
frankee F (17/11/2009 20:57:57): oh god!
moptop (17/11/2009 20:58:08): happily they had a round-the-mouth machine that you didn't have to open your mouth for, because then we'd have been in trouble
frankee F (17/11/2009 20:58:44): oh thats good!
moptop (17/11/2009 20:58:49): Then they placed me firmly back in the waiting room and said now don't you move until someone gives uyou your x rays and comes to take you back!
moptop (17/11/2009 20:58:57): OK I said and fell asleep
moptop (17/11/2009 20:59:32): Here are your x rays here's the wheel chair in we go hop hop - they were all so jolly and enthusiastic and energetic, it was really hard to handle
moptop (17/11/2009 20:59:52): bump bump squeal of tyres (really) back to 'my' hospital
moptop (17/11/2009 21:00:35): being wheeled down the corridor and a gaggle of nurses appeared saying where've you been!? - Me - I don't know
frankee F (17/11/2009 21:00:46): LMAO
moptop (17/11/2009 21:00:56): I went to get my teeth x rayed - here, have some x rays
moptop (17/11/2009 21:01:04): and off he wheeled me back to bed
moptop (17/11/2009 21:01:12): I still don't know where this other place was
frankee F (17/11/2009 21:01:26): and the nusrses had no clue where you went???
moptop (17/11/2009 21:02:05): Oh I expect they'd have an informed guess. But none of them knew it was happeningn!
frankee F (17/11/2009 21:02:14): LMAO
moptop (17/11/2009 21:02:21): The outcome of all this is that the dental specialist chappy here says I have the mouth of a twenty year old woman
moptop (17/11/2009 21:02:23): so there
moptop (17/11/2009 20:49:43): so saw my folks and my brother and Pat (his wife) and a surprise visit from David (L's idiot son) who is quite fond of me realy, and L of course
moptop (17/11/2009 20:49:47): so busy day
frankee F (17/11/2009 20:50:08): awwwww thats good! im glad you're getting those visits. that will help alot
moptop (17/11/2009 20:50:44): I can pick BOTH my nostrils now! Yay for no tube!
frankee F (17/11/2009 20:50:50): LOL
frankee F (17/11/2009 20:50:53): YAY!
frankee F (17/11/2009 20:50:57): youre so funny!
moptop (17/11/2009 20:51:16): LOL - I am honest, most people find that very comic
moptop (17/11/2009 20:51:35): did I tell you about the mouth x ray?
frankee F (17/11/2009 20:51:43): no you didnt
moptop (17/11/2009 20:52:15): ReallY? I'm surprised. You know I was on those codeine things and spending a fair amount of time in an alternate reality
moptop (17/11/2009 20:52:59): I was asleep in bed (this was last week I guess) at 2 - afternoon nap - when knock on door, 'hi, you ready for your mouth x-rays?
moptop (17/11/2009 20:53:28): Well, no, what mouth x-rays? - don't you worry, I take you there and you'll be back in no time - okies
moptop (17/11/2009 20:54:00): So befuddled he got me into my dressing gown and slippers, onto a wheelchair and off we toddled.
moptop (17/11/2009 20:54:27): Down the lift, out of the hospital round the back and into a mini ambulance van thing
moptop (17/11/2009 20:54:37): Oooh I thought, I wonder where we're going
frankee F (17/11/2009 20:54:57): oh god lol
moptop (17/11/2009 20:55:21): So off we went, I had to hold onto my head quite hard because he went over the bumbs at a lell of a lick and it hurt, but it was fun being out
moptop (17/11/2009 20:55:32): looook peopllllleeeee, traffficcccc
frankee F (17/11/2009 20:55:56): LOL
frankee F (17/11/2009 20:55:58): oh god
frankee F (17/11/2009 20:56:15): don they have xrays at the hospital? why do you have to go somewhere else?
moptop (17/11/2009 20:56:25): so then we got to somewhere, he wheeled me out, took me shomwhere, put me in a chair in a tiny waiting room and said 'don't move, until someone calls your name'
moptop (17/11/2009 20:56:36): Ok I said, and went to sleep
moptop (17/11/2009 20:56:49): I guess they don't have round-the-mouth-machines
moptop (17/11/2009 20:57:33): Someone called my name and I shuffled in approximately the right direction trying to explain I wasn't always like this, it was the drugs... maybe didn't help
frankee F (17/11/2009 20:57:55): *giggling*
frankee F (17/11/2009 20:57:57): oh god!
moptop (17/11/2009 20:58:08): happily they had a round-the-mouth machine that you didn't have to open your mouth for, because then we'd have been in trouble
frankee F (17/11/2009 20:58:44): oh thats good!
moptop (17/11/2009 20:58:49): Then they placed me firmly back in the waiting room and said now don't you move until someone gives uyou your x rays and comes to take you back!
moptop (17/11/2009 20:58:57): OK I said and fell asleep
moptop (17/11/2009 20:59:32): Here are your x rays here's the wheel chair in we go hop hop - they were all so jolly and enthusiastic and energetic, it was really hard to handle
moptop (17/11/2009 20:59:52): bump bump squeal of tyres (really) back to 'my' hospital
moptop (17/11/2009 21:00:35): being wheeled down the corridor and a gaggle of nurses appeared saying where've you been!? - Me - I don't know
frankee F (17/11/2009 21:00:46): LMAO
moptop (17/11/2009 21:00:56): I went to get my teeth x rayed - here, have some x rays
moptop (17/11/2009 21:01:04): and off he wheeled me back to bed
moptop (17/11/2009 21:01:12): I still don't know where this other place was
frankee F (17/11/2009 21:01:26): and the nusrses had no clue where you went???
moptop (17/11/2009 21:02:05): Oh I expect they'd have an informed guess. But none of them knew it was happeningn!
frankee F (17/11/2009 21:02:14): LMAO
moptop (17/11/2009 21:02:21): The outcome of all this is that the dental specialist chappy here says I have the mouth of a twenty year old woman
moptop (17/11/2009 21:02:23): so there
The Abominable Honey Accident
A little excerpt from a convo between frankee and me today... and I would not like to say how long it took me to recreate approximately our chat colour and font habits!! apologies to frankee for editing her slightly - she had hysterics, and I like to allow people to find their own - excuse me honey bubn.
moptop: did I tell you about my abominable honey accident?
frankee F: no lol
moptop: day before yesterday, I was eating bread and butter and honey in bed - very runny honey - and I'm careful, you know; but it always manages to spread around a bit
frankee F: oh god lol
moptop: So I'd got my fingers sticky when it had dripped
moptop: and got out of bed to go and wash my hands
moptop: and...
moptop: when I went back to bed I discovered that I had a) failed to put the lid back on the pot, b) failed to put the pot back on the plate and c) knocked the pot over when I got up
moptop: all over the blanket
moptop: It was stunning!
frankee F: i bet!!!
moptop: I managed to spoon quite a lot of it back in lol - but blanket had to go straight in wash poor thing
moptop: god I got sticky - my computer got sticky - the cats got sticky -
moptop: honey and cat hairs, mmmmmmmmmm
frankee F: OMG
frankee F: the poor cats!!!
moptop: later on in the waiting room at the hospital Lionel said 'what's that?' and poked at something in my hair
moptop: Honey...
moptop: dear god what a mess lol
frankee F: rotflmaooooooooooo
frankee F: i cant breathe!
moptop: well, that's the high point of my week I think lol
moptop: I'd better blog it -
frankee F: oh fuck yes!! pleasae do!!
And now I can't get it back to normal lol.
January 4, 2010
Followers and comments - still probs!
Hi, all; and a big hello to Sandy, I don't believe I know you, I am very happy if you find this blog useful or interesting or of support to you; and if you would like to talk, my email for this blog is sian.cooper.public@gmail.com.
Meanwhile, could those who have managed to post comments please say how, here? I have one friend who has a google profile, she has to select her profile or maybe only had to the first time - some others have had to put in some other sort of security thingy - Rachel, Debs, could you explain what you did, please?
Thanks! and stupid blog system silly hah - I have looked and can't see how to change it in my blog setup - Nils has Control over hers, she gets to Ok them before they show! Howja do that then hon?
Meanwhile, could those who have managed to post comments please say how, here? I have one friend who has a google profile, she has to select her profile or maybe only had to the first time - some others have had to put in some other sort of security thingy - Rachel, Debs, could you explain what you did, please?
Thanks! and stupid blog system silly hah - I have looked and can't see how to change it in my blog setup - Nils has Control over hers, she gets to Ok them before they show! Howja do that then hon?
Sorry for the last bad tempered post! (mind you this has a good old moan too...)
As far as new year's eve goes, I woke up before midnight, L had a champagne glass of bubbly, and I had a champagne glass of water. We toasted the new year perfectly amicably.
The chemist - in fact, the village - wasn't open on Saturday, so I never got my extra pills. I had some less strong anti-nausea tablets and took them, but felt sick most of the time till this morning. Now, I've started eating again; not as well as I was eating before, because the zapping is affecting my tongue and swallowing - already getting a reduction in saliva. I will have to start walking around looking like a 90's pop star, with my little bottle of water!
To finish talking about stress, and really getting it all out of my system - because, yes, that is what I'm doing here, of course! -
Well, Lionel hasn't burst into song, but yes Nils is totally right, the strain is also getting to him; add his 20 year old being a serious 20 year old pillock (his mother threw him out just before Christmas, because he was being so poisonous to her and her partner - he's moved back here, of course. He is always perfectly nice to us, although booooooring); and the fact that he (L) started an online Masters just before I was diagnosed, which is being much more work than he expected, and of course he's finding concentrating difficult; and of course his work is stressful; and he keeps it all in because He's A Bloke, so I appreciate the pressure he is under, and I try to make allowances and support him...
BUT (get ready for the moan)
Yes, L does all the washing and hanging out - he did 99% of it before; and 90% of the cooking - he did more than 50% before; he doesn't do housework, so at the moment it just isn't being done unless I sweep vaguely - we are meant to be getting some help again, it had better be soon! we still do the shopping together, including shopping for his ill sister and delivering it to her (I drive and L doesn't); so really, nothing much has changed for him, in his life habits (except for his Master, and he's not working much at it - for which I don't blame him) but I just mean, since I manage and organise all my health stuff, and walk down into the village for my meds etc. normally, and so on and so forth...
Well, there is prioritisation, and I still consider that supporting me (like making sure I have the right medicine when I come back from chemo, or otherwise doing the thinking and acting for me at moments when I can't, which aren't that often) is numero uno: call me an egotistical bitch, but he can help his son find a job tomorrow.
Well, he's being more gentle, these last few days, so he probably feels guilty.
But we're fine, we're fine, with him being gentle I respond and relax quickly; so no arguments going on. I will just make sure it is organised in advance next time. As long as I know about stuff in advance, I can manage it and organise it. Total end of moan.
Boy that feels better.
The chemist - in fact, the village - wasn't open on Saturday, so I never got my extra pills. I had some less strong anti-nausea tablets and took them, but felt sick most of the time till this morning. Now, I've started eating again; not as well as I was eating before, because the zapping is affecting my tongue and swallowing - already getting a reduction in saliva. I will have to start walking around looking like a 90's pop star, with my little bottle of water!
To finish talking about stress, and really getting it all out of my system - because, yes, that is what I'm doing here, of course! -
Well, Lionel hasn't burst into song, but yes Nils is totally right, the strain is also getting to him; add his 20 year old being a serious 20 year old pillock (his mother threw him out just before Christmas, because he was being so poisonous to her and her partner - he's moved back here, of course. He is always perfectly nice to us, although booooooring); and the fact that he (L) started an online Masters just before I was diagnosed, which is being much more work than he expected, and of course he's finding concentrating difficult; and of course his work is stressful; and he keeps it all in because He's A Bloke, so I appreciate the pressure he is under, and I try to make allowances and support him...
BUT (get ready for the moan)
Yes, L does all the washing and hanging out - he did 99% of it before; and 90% of the cooking - he did more than 50% before; he doesn't do housework, so at the moment it just isn't being done unless I sweep vaguely - we are meant to be getting some help again, it had better be soon! we still do the shopping together, including shopping for his ill sister and delivering it to her (I drive and L doesn't); so really, nothing much has changed for him, in his life habits (except for his Master, and he's not working much at it - for which I don't blame him) but I just mean, since I manage and organise all my health stuff, and walk down into the village for my meds etc. normally, and so on and so forth...
Well, there is prioritisation, and I still consider that supporting me (like making sure I have the right medicine when I come back from chemo, or otherwise doing the thinking and acting for me at moments when I can't, which aren't that often) is numero uno: call me an egotistical bitch, but he can help his son find a job tomorrow.
Well, he's being more gentle, these last few days, so he probably feels guilty.
But we're fine, we're fine, with him being gentle I respond and relax quickly; so no arguments going on. I will just make sure it is organised in advance next time. As long as I know about stuff in advance, I can manage it and organise it. Total end of moan.
Boy that feels better.
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