What's the story?

I have been getting coughs after colds for years. I have also had bouts of laryngitis for years, sometimes unable to speak for 6 or 7 weeks. No pain, unless I actually tried to talk for any length of time, and that would stress it and hurt. Overall, my coughs and laryngitis are referred to as upper-respiratory tract infections and I have never, when they've been treated, felt that they were actually cleared up and genuinely gone. There has always been something lurking there.

Back in June, I got a cold, and as ever got a cough afterwards. I actually went to the doctor's, who confirmed it was bronchitis. I saw this as simply inevitable, because I was a smoker, with my history as above. She gave me an inhalor which helped, and anti inflammatories. My cough gradually cleared, although as ever I didn't feel it was all gone, and this time I found I had a place in my throat that itched. I could actually reach in and scratch it. I found this strange and mildly annoying, but I didn't think any more about it, and indeed after a while it went.

Then I got a swollen gland, and sinus infection. The gland was on the right, under my jaw, going up towards the ear. I went to the doctor's again. She went fthhhhhhhhhh, it's very hard! Go to the dentist's to check you havn't got any problems, because sometimes fillings can affect the sinuses, or you may have an abcess problem. Also, get full mouth x-rays done.

I did the x-rays, which showed no problems at all. This was July. I knew this wasn't a dental problem; I went into denial. I thought, it's all just part of the infections I get, it'll go away on its own. The aircon at work was really hurting it, I was OK for the mornings, but come the afternoons, I was in pain, having to wrap a scarf or more round my neck to protect it. And I was getting really tired, literally found myself falling asleep at my desk at about 3 o'clock. I started going home early sometimes. I did go to the doctor's several times during the next month, although each time I failed to see my own doctor and saw only locums. This was not exactly my fault, but then, I didn't push it. I was given anti-biotics, anti-inflammatories and lastly a pressured-air breathing apparatus, breathing a mix of various steroids and eucalyptus twice a day. Plus blood tests. The blood tests showed mildly increased white cell count, but then, I was on anti-biotics.

I will note that the anti-inflammatories and the breathing-machine did help, because I did have an attendant sinus-inflammation, and the gland-lump itself did also reduce in size, because the general area was inflammed through secondary infection.

Finally, towards the end of August, I was sent for an echography, to check my thyroid, while they were analysing another blood test. The thyroid was enlarged, I had quite a lot of enlarged glands all over the place, and of course this particular massive one, which was a visible lump on the side of my jaw/neck. At some point, round about now, I think, I got to see my own doctor, who gave me a prescription to go and see an ENT man.

Here in France, doctors don't do the specific recommendation and contact themselves, they just give you a piece of paper saying 'this person needs this treatment', and you sort the rest out yourself. So, I looked for one in my village/town. I was still in denial. He took one look down my throat and said, with his best bedside manner 'It doesn't look good'. He wanted to take a biopsy, so he started putting anastetic spray down my throat, we talked about my case history, he shoved a tube up my nose to have a look at it all, he shoved a bit more anasthetic in... then he came at me with the scissors and I burst into tears and refused to open my mouth. I just didn't want to know, didn't want him to do the test because I knew, had known deep down for ages, that it was cancer. He had to talk me down and eventually I got over my little crisis, opened my mouth and told him to go for it quickly before I changed my mind. The snip-ette didn't even scratch.

So, from a cough in June, we get to my biopsy result towards the end of August. Lionel came with me. Again, my ENT man's bedside manner was at its best. He didn't show us the biopsy - I still havn't seen it - but he said 'Well, it's not good, I'm sure you know that'. Yippee. I don't remember much else, except of course he said it's emminently treatable. I was sent for a scan, and at the same time he booked me in for an endoscopy on the 14th October.

1st October. I went on my own - it hadn't occurred to me that I might want any sort of support, because I'm not used to getting immediate results, placed in my hands, and because I hadn't learnt what it was like yet, getting emotional slaps in the face so you are so shocked you just nod and don't ask any questions.

They give you an iodine product intraveinously (sorry about my spelling), and you lie down and the machine does its stuff, sometimes you are told not to breathe. The iodine makes you feel really hot - well, that's what they said, I must admit I didn't notice it. Then you go to the waiting room, and wait.

Well, at this particular clinic, their bedside manner was none too hot either. A young doctor called me, we went into a despairingly blank room (a desk; some chairs; mostly white). He said 'Well, obviously you need operating as soon as possible, you've got all these lesions'. I know that is not word for word, but it is pretty close. He gave me the report. I smiled and said thank you and left. I drove home. I was concious of the fact that I should really not be driving because I was in shock.

The scan results, translated, say, as best I can do - I'm not a specialist in medical French!

'Thickening of the tissue of the right pharyngal wall, centered around the tonsil area, spreading over approximately 44mm high by 24 mm end to end and 17mm wide, heterogenerously raised by contrast.

This lesion spreads from the bottom at the valécule (no translation, word does not appear in any dicco I can find), upwards to the free edge of the soft palate (I think) and forwards to the back part of the mobile tongue and on the tongue base.

It does not cross the median.

Presence of an enlarged subdigastric gland on the right (yeah I know subdigastric is not too helpful... but I've told you about the lump and where it is), heterogenous, necrotic, measuring approximately 35mm high my 18mm on its small axis.

No other lymphatic gland abnormalities (this is VERY GOOD NEWS).

No bone lesions (also VERY GOOD NEWS).'

Now I have a memory blank. I really do not know what the sequence of events is now. We went back to the ENT man. No, I know Lionel only came once, so we must have got the biopsy result at the same time. See? I'm mixed up. The ENT man said we'd know more about what treatment I'd need after the endoscopy. 2 weeks to wait for that! it seemed such a long time. And nothing in between... I do remember asking, look, the scan says I've got it on my tongue as well, not just my tonsils, that's scarey, and he looked at the scan and said hmmm yes maybe there is some growth there... but didn't seem concerned.

OK, my ENT man is young, works in a rich little town, and specialises in aesthetic surgery. He doesn't do much cancer. But he called me at 8.30 the same evening (it was a Friday) and told me I had an appointment with an oncologist at X clinic on Tuesday. Hats off to him.

This time Isabelle came with me, Lionel's ex-wife who is a sweety and a nurse. In fact, I have to go right now to have lunch with her, so I leave you with that cliff hanger... after all, I had to wait!